Genius Places To Stash Your Cash
Are you tired of your husband spending all your money? If I had a dollar for every time he blew my cash on beer and that damn lottery drawing, I could have bought a decent bra by now. If you have big bills to hide, listen up. Just put them in places he would never bother to mosey around.
Quote from Grandma: Don’t let that son-of-a-gun spend all the bacon or you’ll be left high and dry.
1. Cleaning Supplies
This is the one place where I can guarantee he ain’t gonna look. The day Mr. Beer Belly starts cleaning is the day pigs start flying.
2. Tampon Box
I don’t even wear tampons no more, but he ain’t gotta know that. Mr. Tough Guy sure enough won’t be rummaging around in your feminine drawer.
3. Wrapping Paper
When’s the last time Buttercup wrapped a gift? Never. That’s when.
4. Nutritional Yeast
No way in hell Sweet Cheeks is opening a bag of anything that says “nutritional” on it.
5. Dryer Sheet Box
I don’t think Honey Butter Biscuit has even discovered the laundry room yet. No, wait a minute. He went in there once around 1986 looking for the ugly trousers I threw away. I remember because that’s the year the Oprah show came on the television set.
6. Toilet Paper Holder Thing
It don’t matter the situation, Prince Charming does not replace the toilet paper roll, so you can feel confident with this secret hiding place.
7. In Your Brassiere
They make some pretty big holes for your nipple cover pads in these things. I figure it’s the perfect place to protect your dough. I could probably fit a safe full of cash in each cup.
8. Vegetable Drawer
Papa Bear likes his meat and honey, but he ain’t gonna eat anything green unless I prepare it with a 1/2 pound of bacon grease. Hide it under the broccoli and consider yourself a lady genius.
9. Sunscreen Stick
I can’t remember the last time Hot Stuff put sun screen on without me nagging his ass, so I’m pretty sure he won’t be opening up a tube of sunscreen anytime this late in the game. I’ll tell ya, these oldies are stuck in their ways.
10. Sewing Box
I heard on the TV that inflation is through the roof, so I’m trying to hide all the money I can from Mr. Greedy Fingers over here. I’d bet all the money I have hiding he’s not gonna be looking for a needle and thread.
11. In a Map
Mr. Compass is biologically wired to always know where he’s going, and it’s a good thing because I’ve got a few Benjamins stuffed into this here map.
12. Box of Bulbs
The last time King of Lazy Land changed a light bulb was 1994, and I’m guessing I’ve got another 10 years before he finds the courage to do something other than read that damn newspaper. There’s a crater forming in his lounge chair the size of Wisconsin.
13. Frozen Meals
If it ain’t got meat in it, there’s no way in hell Macho Man is gonna lay his paws on it. Pick a frozen meal that has something green on the cover like spinach and he’ll never suspect it’s full of your spending money.
14. Bury It
Mr. Couch Potato doesn’t even know where the shovel is, so I figure under the dirt somewhere is a neat little place.
15. Vitamin Bottle
Better yet, put the dough in a vitamin bottle and then bury it. Sometimes you gotta take extra precautions when it comes to Bubba and his spending habits.
A Final Note From Grandma Hiding money from your husband is a delicate art that requires a lot of creativity. It’s like playing a game of hide-and-seek, except the stakes are higher and you can’t let out a giggle when you finally find the perfect hiding spot. You’ve got to think outside the box, or in this case, outside the piggy bank. You might try stuffing cash in your freezer or hiding it in your bra, but just remember, the key to a successful hiding operation is putting on an act of innocence.